im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
