hotel room ftw
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
