I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
