Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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