I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
