Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
