Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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