Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
