Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
