I smell stomach acid.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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