Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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