So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
