God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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