nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
