Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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