I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
