During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
