On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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