Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
