I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
