u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
