while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize