So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
