we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
