WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
