Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
