What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
