i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
