I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My balls are so social today.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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