And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
