Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
