I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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