There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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