we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
