the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
