I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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