I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
