I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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