I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
