the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I AM VODKA MAN
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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