just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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