Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
