$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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