There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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