We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
