Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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