im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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