Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
