The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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