Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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