Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
