what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dignity is for republicans.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
