She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
