just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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