Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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