We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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