More tranny stories later!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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