Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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