yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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