I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
