Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
