Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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