Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
