I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
